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Post by the8thark on Sept 25, 2006 1:34:19 GMT 10
I think this is the right place to post this. A question about lyrics.
I'm no singer. I'll admit it. I'm aweful. But I have written a few songs. Lyrics that is. And written a little music also. But of the lyrics I have written 100+ songs. And my aim one day is to get a singer to sing them. Well that's my background story as why I'm here.
But what I really want to know is can I post a few of my better ones up or my site with all my material on. And get a little feedback on how good or bad you think I am?
Thanks.
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Post by Karen on Sept 25, 2006 1:48:20 GMT 10
absolutely! I would love to have a look at your lyrics! the more feedback you receive, the more you will improve!
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Post by the8thark on Sept 25, 2006 2:03:44 GMT 10
Ok thanks so much. And I'll share my 3 most recent ones. Enjoy.
The Monster
A stink of the soul Where time takes no toll Rotting in the fire Chained to the wire Scared by the haunting A fear so harrowing The flames threatening the existence That this crucible of distance Is consuming steadily The soul so readily
Scarred and torn From the battle reborn This torture within Can only begin A bloodless assault That evil won't halt With terror it's key To destroying what's free A cheerful glee By the monster in me
This violent sequence we all endure A silent struggle so obscure Trading blows side by side Acquiring scars with pride Trying to keep the demon at bay So all life is no longer grey But this distance is lonely Hauntingly and inhumanely Taring apart the warmth of the soul And the death of friendships is the toll
Scarred and torn From the battle reborn This torture within Can only begin A bloodless assault That evil won't halt With terror it's key To destroying what's free A cheerful glee By the monster in me
Running in fear Has a shallow victory near The demon victorious It's evil notorious The scars will define you, Expose you and mark you A hero to none Bar the sanity you've won
Scarred and torn From the battle reborn This torture within Can only begin A bloodless assault That evil won't halt With terror it's key To destroying what's free A cheerful glee By the monster in me
Mean To Me
I'll never have a lazy afternoon My time with you always ends too soon I wish away the sunset of our parting ways Eternity is what I want to share in your gaze
I dwell at night and ponder what will happen now Lying awake with feelings I must avow A secret crush I hide deep inside my soul To know you more is always my goal
A hidden secret A part of me forever And I'm scared to say
How much you mean to me Are we meant to be These feelings so wild and free This anguish has shown A time spent alone Which all of my heart has known What I can't possibly say The sweetest thing every day Is how much you mean to me
There is a light showing me to happiness A glowing heart I'm trying to always impress Will I know when I've achieved success
I board the train and think about you everyday Your sweet smile always on display Next to you, life is never grey
A hidden secret A part of me forever And I'm scared to say
How much you mean to me Are we meant to be These feelings so wild and free This anguish has shown A time spent alone Which all of my heart has known What I can't possibly say The sweetest thing every day Is how much you mean to me
A shooting star is only the start A sacred flash deep with such heart A magical moment that can impart
How much you mean to me Are we meant to be These feelings so wild and free This anguish has shown A time spent alone Which all of my heart has known What I can't possibly say The sweetest thing every day Is how much you mean to me
All I know is every day How much you mean to me
Silent Walls
Another day And the feeling still sinks in the heart Last night was a horror The bruises appear everywhere A lot of shame to try and hide Only tears will understand Why the door was left ajar The suitcase always packed Cause sunrise is the time To escape for freedom And the hope of better days
A hotel room tonight It's so lonely Another week spent in fear With no end in sight And the world goes passing by The only friends are silent walls Is it possible to make it through
Every night it returns Coming home to relive heartbreak There's no happy place When all hope has been taken away Stand up and get knocked down No one believes the truth So it's time to forget the past And run to a safer world One with sunshine, and a new life And a hope of better days
A hotel room tonight It's so lonely Another week spent in fear With no end in sight And the world goes passing by The only friends are silent walls Is it possible to make it through
A silent refuge deep inside A soul crying out in need Now is the time of the final goodbyes
A hotel room tonight It's so lonely But this time no more fear The end was finally found A bullet to the brain The only witnesses, these silent walls Was it possible to make it through
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Post by Karen on Sept 25, 2006 2:11:28 GMT 10
Good work with the lyrics! They sound very deep and meaningful!
one thing I would be careful of is your rhyming. Rhyming is definately effective in songwriting but you don't need to make every line rhyme. It does work in some songs but not in others, so its a bit hard to judge when I just have the lyrics.
something that you could add to your choruses is some repetition. It obviously isn't essential but it does help in terms of hooking the listener and making the song more catchy and memorable, which helps when trying to sell the song.
having said those, I really like the last one, I can imagine it in a song. I hope one day i'll get to hear your songs! keep up the good work.
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Post by the8thark on Sept 25, 2006 2:18:04 GMT 10
Thanks for that. And I'll try that out next time.
Adding a line or two for a hook. . . . That's a good idea. Like you said a little something, (repetitive maybe) for the listener to remember the song by. Anyways thanks. And best wishes to you.
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